No writing has been done, even though I have a burning idea for a piece of flash fiction. Alas, four people in a Premier Inn isn't a great location for writing.
We saw some of my husbands family today - it could have been difficult but the assertive training has paid off. I can't believe how ill, nervous and on occasion sucidal before these visits! They tried it on of course. We had arranged the date and time three weeks before. In writing via email. Of course it was the 'we are going out for lunch with the other grandchild you will have to come at such and such time instead.'
One upon a time this would have upset me so much. We have driven 300 miles to see them. Couldn't everyone go along? What about, 'All I am saying is give peace a chance' etc...Today, although I reacted at the time of the phone call I quickly calmed down and was able to stand back from the situation. I can put my hand on my heart and say I couldn't intentionally be that rude to anyone. That is something I like about me. Some people in our lives are simply not worth tussling with. Time is valuable, so unless there’s something important at stake, don’t waste it by trying to change or convince a person who’s negatively entrenched. As the saying goes: “You can’t fly like an eagle if you hang out with turkeys!”
With two pre teen children it is vital to teach by example. Our reaction was 'Fine. We will see you when WE can,' not surprisingly later in the day the phone call came asking if we could come and visit. And we did, when it was a good time for us. The most important thing to keep in mind about bullies is that they pick on those whom they perceive as weaker, so as long as you remain passive and compliant, you make yourself a target. Many bullies are also cowards on the inside. When their victims begin to show backbone and stand up for their rights, the bully will often back down.
Moving away means that when you come to visit you can see people who have moved on with their lives and those who are still stuck in a rut. For some the roles they act out are unconscious scripts of how unhealthy family life is played out. The real sad thing about the situation is that it keeps people disconnected from true intimacy. Their behaviours causes people to distance and disconnect from each other. It is way for people to attempt to stay safe, feel important and stroke their own egos.
But finally through prayer and meditation I have realised that participating in the drama of secret keeping, the power of who knows what, who is invited where is so negative. It keeps people stuck in lies, jealousy and vulnerable to unhealthy manipulation.
I can't help wonder if the exercising is actually helping my mental strength as well.